


There is Always Hope

by kadesc



Category: Deponia (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Doomsday Spoilers, Gen, Major Spoilers, Multi, Other, i havent written fic in ages dont judge me, mediocre writing ahoy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-20
Updated: 2018-03-20
Packaged: 2019-04-05 00:11:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14031915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kadesc/pseuds/kadesc
Summary: Hope.It seemed to be the one thing that Rufus had always carried with him, and what had impacted Goal the most during their adventures together, though for better or worse, she couldn’t really say.  Whether it was getting to Elysium at all costs, relentlessly fighting for her affection, seeing every harebrained scheme of his to completion, taking down the Organon with only a small group of rebels, or saving her from the grip of death itself, he never seemed able to give up.Until he did.Now Goal is left to pick up the pieces without him, and among those pieces she finds something unexpected that will forever change her future.  And the future of Elysium.





	There is Always Hope

Hope.

It seemed to be the one thing that Rufus had always carried with him, and what had impacted Goal the most during their adventures together, though for better or worse, she couldn’t really say. Whether it was getting to Elysium at all costs, relentlessly fighting for her affection, seeing every harebrained scheme of his to completion, taking down the Organon with only a small group of rebels, or saving her from the grip of death itself, he never seemed able to give up.

Until he did. 

And as Rufus had fallen from Elysium, Goal was left to watch helplessly, desperately glancing back even as she was ushered numbly from the highboat to the safety of the floating city. He had disappeared before her eyes, fading into the distance against the backdrop of the planet he’d spent his life so desperately trying to escape. Everything that happened from that point on had seemed clouded in her mind; unfocused, as if the loss she was still unable to fully process was obscuring everything else. The chaos around her felt miles away, and even as she’d played her part in passing off “Rufus” to the Council of Elders, in the final culmination of their plan and ensuring the safety of Deponia, Goal had struggled to comprehend: _why?_

Why should things have played out this way? Why did fate have to be so cruel and unfair? That in the end, Rufus had sacrificed everything he’d ever fought for and died for a planet he hated, full of people who hated him. Deep down, she knew it had been all he could do, the only way she, _and Deponia,_ could have been saved. But the grief that clenched her chest and tightened her throat had refused to let her think rationally. She could only wonder: what if? What if there had been another way? If only she had been able to tell them apart. If only she'd had just a little more time. If only she'd caught on to his act quicker and grabbed him before he fell… If only, if only.

He took his hope with him that day. 

Without it, the Elysium that Goal had known all her life, despite the thousands of new citizens it suddenly housed, felt… empty. Incomplete. She knew she should have been celebrating. Everyone else had been. Well… Mostly everyone. Many of the Elysians weren’t happy about the cancellation of the trip to Utopia, and without Argus to order them around, the Organon hadn't seemed to know what to do with themselves. Her father had also been oddly quiet and withdrawn since his last minute rescue from the highboat, refusing to speak to anyone or give any orders. At least she’d been in good company. She hadn't felt much like socializing either.

She was sitting alone in her darkened room, just as she had been most days since her return home, staring blankly out the window when the knock came at her door. She didn't respond, but the visitor didn’t wait for an answer before entering regardless, and with a sad little sigh, Goal glanced toward the newcomer.

“You’re missing the party.” Toni stated, skipping over greetings entirely, an unlit cigarette held between her lips. She leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed over her chest. She seemed much calmer than Goal had ever seen her, not that Goal was all that familiar with Rufus’ hot-tempered ex-girlfriend. She’d always gotten the impression that Toni didn’t like her very much.

“I didn’t really feel much like celebrating.” Goal replied casually, forcing a small smile. “It’s all just been so much. I’m completely exhausted.” Toni looked at her with one eyebrow raised.

“Last I checked, exhausted wasn’t so mopey.” she said, a mildly accusatory hint in her tone. “You don’t look tired. You look _depressed.”_ Goal looked away, her hands clenching ever so slightly in her lap.

“I’m fine, I promise.” she replied, still keeping her voice casual. “You don’t need to worry about me.”

“I’m not.” Toni said, her voice followed by the faint click of her lighter. The acrid smell of cigarette smoke wafted through the room. “But everyone else is. Your friends out there won’t stop stressing out over you, but none of them seem to want to come see what’s wrong. If nothing else, your appearance will stop their whining about it.” Despite herself, a genuine smile crossed Goal’s face for a fleeting second. It would never cease to touch her heart how much the eccentric old Doc and gentle giant Bozo cared about her, as well as the others she’d befriended during her journey on the planet’s surface. A pang of guilt struck her as she realized they would never know the truth about what had happened to the real Rufus, believing forever that Cletus, the very man they fled so earnestly on Deponia, had now taken the place of their friend. The term _friend_ being used very loosely.

“So.” Toni’s voice interrupted her thoughts. “You going to come out and join the party, or just sit here moping by yourself in your room?” Goal sighed.

“I’m sorry, but I think I’d like to be alone a while longer.” she said. 

“Oh come on. Your friends are driving me crazy.” she protested.

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I just can’t.”

“That’s the lamest excuse I’ve ever heard and I used to date Rufus.”

“Toni, please.”

“Just give me a real reason, so I have something to tell them.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“So tell me the truth, or quit making excuses.”

“I can’t do that.”

Toni made a frustrated noise and angrily ran her hand over her hair.

“Fine. You and Rufus seem to have gotten pretty chummy. If I send him in here will you tell _him?”_ she demanded. Goal shook her head. “Why not!?”

“Because that’s not the real Rufus!” Goal blurted out, then immediately clasped her hands to her mouth with a tiny gasp. She turned to look at Toni, but to her astonishment, the other woman did not look surprised. Instead, her expression had grown somber. She looked away, putting out her cigarette on the bottom of her boot. The room was deathly silent for a moment.

“I know.” Toni said finally. Goal stared at her in disbelief.

“You do?” Toni laughed mirthlessly and looked at Goal with a cynical expression.

“I've known Rufus since we were kids.” she said. “Whether I like it or not, I know him better than anyone. And that out there is not Rufus. It’s been a week and he hasn’t even blown anything up.” Goal looked at her hands clenched in her lap.

“You won’t tell anyone, will you?” she asked quietly, not meeting Toni’s gaze. Toni slowly crossed the room and sat down in the chair opposite Goal’s, leaning back comfortably and crossing one leg over the other.

“I understand why it’s so important the Elysians think what's-his-face is the real deal.” she said. “But don’t you think your friends have the right to know? Maybe they all prefer this new _‘Rufus’_ and his reduced tendency to cause them bodily harm, but why don’t _they_ get to know the truth?”

“We can’t risk it.” Goal said firmly, as if she’d had this same conversation with herself over and over in the past. “Someone might let it slip, and if there is any doubt in the minds of the Elysians that any of you really came from Deponia, they’ll be calling for the planet to be blown up within minutes. Many of them aren’t happy the journey to Utopia has been cancelled. The majority were hoping all of you didn’t exist.”

“Trust me, we can tell.” Toni said flatly. “They haven’t exactly been subtle about it.” The two sat in silence for another moment and Toni absently placed another unlit cigarette in her mouth.   
“So... what happened?” she asked finally, her voice strangely quiet. Goal continued to stare at her hands, grief clutching at her chest once more.

“He fell.” she said softly, fighting to keep the quiver out of her voice. “From the highboat.” Toni remained silent, and so Goal continued. “He, Cletus and Argus all looked the same. They were all dressed as Cletus and I.. from where I stood I couldn’t tell them apart. They were trapped in one of the highboat’s rotors and all claimed to be Rufus. I only had time to save one, and I think he realized… He realized that Cletus and Argus would not stop fighting until I’d saved one of them. So the only way to get me to safety was to pass Cletus off as himself, and…” she trailed off as tears began to well up in her eyes.

“Let go.” Toni finished. Goal looked at her and was surprised to see that Toni had an almost sad expression on her face. She nodded, wiping away her tears.

“It was the only way.” she said. It sounded as though she was trying to convince herself as well. Toni sighed in a tired sort of way and leaned her head on her hand. She seemed lost in thought for a moment, then cracked a smile and chuckled.

“You know…” she said. “I believed in him at the start, when we were a lot younger. He always managed to make all his crazy plans sound plausible. I only started to doubt them when he just kept failing. By the time we broke up, I figured he’d never go anywhere, and that he’d definitely never get us to Elysium. But in the end, it’s thanks to him that I’m here. How’s that for irony?” 

“He changed a lot.” Goal replied. “When I first met him, I never could have believed he’d sacrifice this much, for _anyone_. Even at the end, it still doesn’t seem real. As if it must have been some kind of trick.”

The two continued their quiet conversation, and Toni surprised Goal with how easy she was to talk to. She’d never seemed entirely approachable before, but when they’d finally run out of things to say, and Toni had finally excused herself to go rejoin the rest of the Deponians, Goal felt a little better than she had before. Her grief was still there, and she had no doubts that it would be for a long time. But it felt as though a bit of the weight had been removed from her chest. Taking a deep breath, she got up from her seat and decided to finally go join her friends. 

 

 

Things never got easier as the weeks passed. Her grief became more manageable, and as such, became much easier to hide, but while Goal’s surprising new friendship with Toni helped immensely, she felt little better than the day she’d first returned home. The two spent most evenings together, taking part in everything Elysium had to offer, and slowly, she was able to assemble a mask and pretend to be her old self again. She settled into a steady routine, and while in the back of her mind she missed the adventure and spontaneity of Deponia--though the nature of her experiences there may have largely been due to Rufus’ presence--she tried to convince herself that the familiarity was good for her.

Mornings were spent with her father, and though his state didn’t seem to be improving much from when they’d first come back to Elysium, she was grateful to spend some time with him where he didn’t rush off to this meeting or that gathering after only half an hour. She’d tried repeatedly to help him through whatever was causing his misery, using it as a way to distract herself from her own, but Ulysses was as stubborn as ever and her attempts were always unsuccessful. It appeared he simply didn’t want to be helped.  
Most afternoons were spent with her Deponian friends, and while they were clearly not used to living in such a favorable environment, they seemed happy, which was all Goal could have hoped for. She’d really come to care about each of them, and was comforted by the idea that they could be happy in her stead.

By the time she’d begun to grow bored of the routine and had returned to wishing for a new adventure, over a month had passed, and the Council of Elders was no closer to finding a solution to the problem of how Elysium would get to Utopia now. Resources were depleting much faster than they had before, and Elysium couldn’t stay in the sky forever. Whispers began to pass between Elysians and Deponians alike, and while life was still easy in the city in the sky, a general unease seemed to have settled upon its citizens. How long before they no longer had enough resources to survive? How long before their home would crash into the planet below?  
Goal seemed to be the only one unconcerned with the looming worry. She’d grown increasingly scatterbrained over the past week or so, and many had pointed out to each other that she often seemed to be in another world entirely, zoning out to the point where it was difficult to get her attention. Goal herself was not unaware of this, of course, noticing how easily she’d begun to get distracted, and frankly, how tired she’d been. It was as though no matter how much sleep she got, she still woke up exhausted, and headaches were very frequent.

She yawned widely as she poured her father a cup of his favourite tea, absently adding a spoonful of sugar, though he’d always prefered his tea without. Ulysses accepted the drink without comment, still oddly silent and distant from the world. At her second yawn, however, his head perked up and he regarded her with an expression of concern.

“Are you getting enough sleep, Goal?” he asked, showing a hint of his old self. He placed his cup down on the coffee table untouched and looked at her more closely. 

“I’m fine, Dad, I promise.” she assured him, followed quickly by a third yawn. “I think maybe fatigue from everything that happened down on Deponia is finally getting to me.” Ulysses didn’t seem convinced.

“That was over a month ago, it shouldn’t be happening this long after.” he countered. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Yes, Dad.” Goal replied, a hint of annoyance in her tone. Irritability seemed to go hand in hand with her exhaustion, and she had a shorter and shorter fuse these days. When combined with her steady grief, it made for a volatile concoction. Thankfully, her father seemed to get the hint and fell silent again, though he still watched her with an uneasy gaze.  
Goal’s moods only got worse over the next few days, her irritability frequently being replaced by periods of unexplained sobbing. There was no rhyme or reason to these breakdowns, they just seemed to be something that happened, prompted by the tiniest little things. One was triggered by her inability to find a match for the sock she’d chosen to wear that day, and another by a cute, furry animal in the Chill-Out Zone’s petting zoo. Her friends grew visibly concerned after she went from an angry outburst at a passing service bot for mistakenly bumping into her, to sobbing inconsolably and apologizing to it within a matter of seconds, and her father made near constant attempts to have her see a therapist, a doctor, _anyone,_ so long as she found out the cause of whatever was going on with her. Goal silently wondered if the loss she’d experienced was beginning to drive her mad.

Ulysses finally lost his patience however, when during tea time one morning, a rather intense bout of crying ended with his daughter bolting to the bathroom, followed by loud retching noises. As soon as she returned to the living room, looking pale and exhausted, he took her pointedly to the door and directed her straight to Elysium’s sick bay, “or else”. Goal gave a frustrated huff, but she knew if she didn’t go on her own, her father was likely to drag her there whether she liked it or not, and so she set off, sulking the entire way.

 

 

Numb.

If Goal had to pick any word to describe how she felt, it would be numb. The med-bot had long ago left the sick bay room, and she was left sitting alone on the examination table, staring at the opposite wall without really seeing it. Surely there must be some mistake. The med-bot must have been malfunctioning, or have gotten inaccurate readings. She really ought to request a human doctor for a second opinion. Though hearing the same result from an actual person might spark an anxiety attack.

It just couldn’t be real.

Even as she walked home in a daze some time later, staring silently down at the printed record of her visit, she struggled to wrap her mind about her diagnosis. It was almost certainly a mistake, there was no doubt about it. There was no way. As she reached Elysium’s central elevator, she stopped just outside and leaned against the wall, taking deep breaths to try and steady the trembling throughout her body. She couldn’t go home just now. Her father would want to know the results right away, and she couldn’t even process the information herself, let alone share it with someone else. Goal wasn’t even entirely sure she’d be able to speak just now. She needed some time alone. To think. She wandered away from the elevator in a daze, letting her feet carry her to one of the quietest parks in the city, where she knew she was least likely to be bothered.  
The grass beneath the tree where she chose to sit was soft and comfortable, and as she leaned back against the rough bark, her eyes made their way back to the paper in her hand. She read the record over and over again, as though reading it enough times would magically change the results to something she could make sense of. But still, the words remained the same.

_Patient Name: Goal_  
Date of Birth: 04/13/19XX  
Visit Date: 07/29/20XX  
Provider: Med-bot #6436 

** Vital Signs **   
_Blood Pressure: 110/70 Pulse: 85 Temperature: 98.6 F  
Weight: 125 lbs_

** Allergy (s) **   
_No known drug allergies_

** Reason for Visit **   
_Patient complains of frequent intense mood swings starting several weeks ago. Associated symptoms include chronic fatigue, frequent, mild headaches, stiffness in lower back, nausea._

** Diagnosis **   
_Pregnancy_


End file.
